What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
