Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
