She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
