I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
