Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize