its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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