allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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