I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
