my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
