I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
