she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
