she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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