I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
