I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
