Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
