I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
