from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
