drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
