Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
