He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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