Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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