i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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