i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
that may or may not have been my penis.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
