I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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