Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
