Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
