well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
3pm strippers are depressing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
