he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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