Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
