i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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