Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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