those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
