Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
