Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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