I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
