you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
