opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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