I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
