were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize