Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
