Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
