so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
