I hate your face
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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