When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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