She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
