You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Randomize