You're completely useless in the revolution.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
