You're my little dorito
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
