Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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