I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
