would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
