i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
