dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
