My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
