I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
