U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
