I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
