just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
