He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize