Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
