Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
