or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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