she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
