Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish š
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
