She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
